Friday, September 02, 2011

frei aber froh

no, my german has not improved at all.  it's got something to do with the music accompanying this letter (you'll have to play the music above).  johannes brahm's musical motto for this symphony Symphony No. 3 in F major, Op. 90  (3rd movement, poco allegreto) consisted of the notes F-A(flat)-F, the first letters of frei aber froh.  and no, i have not suddenly become a music expert either, i just read it somewhere else.  why frei "aber" froh (free "but" happy), you might ask, not frei "und" froh (free "and" happy)?  supposedly it's in response to the composer's friend's motto of frei aber einsam (free but lonely).

what about this music then?   not sure.  i think this is supposed to be meadows and creeks and flowers of spring, but somehow it gives me all sorts of feelings - at times confused and indecisive, bouts of resolve and brief periods of peace, sometimes hopeful but nothing more. it stops short of a conclusion, as if happiness or whatever resolution there is to be had lies after the last note.  i was listening to this when i was thinking of my last year in berlin and somehow it just fits and i couldn't get it out of my head.

i read somewhere that real happiness is that moment when you are faced with the promise of being happy.  i'm hoping the same is true about not being happy - that the worst one can feel is when one fears the possibility of not being happy - because if it's true, then the worst is over.

anyway, i should hear from my lawyer anytime soon. today is the court hearing for my divorce.


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